Dear Tucker Max:

Do you agree with the following statement? "Guys still want to bang every girl they see in the most pornographic manner possible, and girls still think that "not all guys are like that."

If you think there is any truth to that, I would love to share with you a blindingly funny and candid debut novel that I think you will wholeheartedly enjoy and identify with: an offensive, in-your-face, brutally honest and completely hilarious look at male inner life and sexual fantasy. It's called AVERAGE AMERICAN MALE by Chad Kultgen. I am sure you get tons of e-mails with varied, fantastic requests, but as a fan of your work, there was no way I could stop myself from e-mailing you about this out-of-control debut--a fresh look at the twenty-first century battle of the sexes.

Please don't think that because Chad has a woman for an editor that this was toned down in any way, because it wasn't. This is a man's mind on the page--a direct response to chick lit, to every woman's magazine, Oprah, Dr. Phil, and network sitcoms, who portray the image of the Average American Man as an oafish retard, happy to swallow down gallons of his significant other's crap in the hopes of being allowed to have sex with her once a week, or at least watch some football.

I know you get many requests and have many commitments, but as fans of your work, Chad and I would love the opportunity to send you the manuscript. Any time or attention you could give would be supremely appreciated and give a huge boost to a new writer. If you are interested, please let me know how I can get a bound manuscript to you.

Thank you and I wish you continued success.

Best regards,

Joelle

From: Tucker Max
To: "Yudin, Joelle"
Date: Aug 31, 2006 10:30 AM
Subject: Re: AVERAGE AMERICAN MALE by Chad Kultgen

"but as a fan of your work"

Are you really? Or are you just a fan of the huge following I have built in the 16-30 year old male bracket, the one that no mainstream publisher has been able to tap?

I love this. I really do. Five years ago you fucking retards rejected my manuscript, told me my voice had no market, and basically that I sucked. I knew that not one of you had any idea what you were talking about, so I went out and created an empire on my own. What resulted was a massively successful website, a best selling book, and a lock on the hardest demographic to reach.

Now you are coming to me--not with an apology about how your house treated me, not soliciting a proposal for my next book, not even with or with a "boy, we were wrong about you, your stuff is great" intro email--no, you are coming to me asking for my help to promote and develop something that probably sucks and that you won't be able to sell on your own.

Been a big fan of yours for years and just recently got hired at Harper Collins as a marketing assistant. You don't have to believe a word I tell you but I speak the truth and short of e-mailing you from my Harper Collins email I hope that you'd take what I have to tell you at face value.

One of the accounts I assist on is Average American Male... (I've read it...and lets just say the author wishes he were you...but more importantly wishes he could have lived what he wrote like you... yes it's a fiction novel)

Joelle quit late last week so i feel there's no harm and no foul in telling you about what happened after she read your messageboard post. It was hilarious... they printed out posts and as everyone was reading it in our boardroom.. she started sniffling and then all out crying. It was great. I wanted to send you a picture text of her tears streaming down her face.

Then all the other publishing lesbian feminists were like "Tucker's so stupid.. what did he expect? A personalized email?"

I thought, well you certainly don't know Tucker at all. If only the dumbasses in marketing realized that Harper Collins told you to fuck yourself years ago - and the insult it is to copy and paste a BS PR request on a novel that is directly going after your target demo. (Get this... he wants to go on a campus fraternity tour... sound familar?)

They continued ranting with "Well if he doesn't want exposure that will help further his own career then forget him"

Obviously they're too naive to realize how you've marketing and project yourself to your audience. I suppose they honestly thought you'd take exposure at the cost of appearing as a sell-out hypocrite to your adoring fans.

But that bitch quit, her reasons were she was tired of publishing.. but deep down I believe you contributed fully to her leaving. Thanks so much.