I get emails like the one below all the time, and though I understand a young man's search for guidance as well as the next guy, I fail to understand this guys sense of entitlement. Why the fuck would I take the time out of my day to answer this, an open-ended essay style litany of 4-5 questions? More importantly, why does this fucking dude think I should answer him? He doesn't even have the courtesy to include a naked pic of his girl or a monetary contribution or anything like that. And the asshole admits he hasn't bought my book, but then asks me what it says. FUCK YOU. How much free shit can I give to you? Maybe you'd like to come over to my house and fuck my sister too?
The way it is presented below is exactly how it showed up in my inbox. No paragraphs and very little editing for someone who is asking me to invest hours in an answer. Unbelievable.
Hi Tucker, my name is Bryan. I'm a junior at [removed] University, live in Chicago this summer, work at the chicago board options exchange, and can honestly say life is pretty sweet right now. I've been reading your stories for a few weeks now whenever I have time at work, and I'm sold. I really enjoy your stories and your style; I've got shit loads of stories of my own but never take the inititive to record or write about them (the hazy morning after periods are not always conducive for recording my adventures). Anyway, because I think your the man, I've got a few questions for you. (By the way my cousin just graduated from Duke law, he was a freshman when you were a senior and remembers hearing of your belligerent adventures. He's a lot like you, very intelligent, driven, and cannot help being a dick, especially while drunk, to those who even remotely invite such behavior. The bar exam nearly brought him to madness but he's done with it. We're going to spain together on wednesday, and i have a feeling he's going to be like a pitbull out of the pound).
Anyway, my first question is about law school. Everyone in my family has always told me i was born to be a lawyer; I don't know. I'm currently a psychology major and philosophy minor, and law school seems to be were i'm headed. I'm a smart kid, with good writing skills and great analytical (debating) skills. I dont know if i want to actually be a lawyer long term. How useful is having a JD, even if you aren't a practicing lawyer? I think i'd be a great buisness man, but probably need to take some econ courses first. I've heard getting an MBA and a JD at the same time is a good way to get a high paying job right out of college. What do you think? What do you think of asian chicks? I'm going out with a chinese girl at school now. It's interesting...she treats me very well (yes, stereotypical subservient asain girl), but she hates asian dudes and is rather "white" in her ways. I'd marry the girl later but cannot say i'm in love now. I'm going to be a junior this year, living in my frat house. I like girls a lot, all kinds, and the thought of having to hold back is killing me. Any advice on how to bang other girls but still come out having jenny (the asain) at the end of the day? I'm sure you understand my situation; you've got something great but mr happy is screaming to be free and i'm caught in between. Lastly, I don't have your book about pickup lines, but what do you think is the best one you have? One with a 90% sucess rate (i'd settle for 75%). This might sound a bit gay, but one that has worked very well for me in the past is doing gay little coin tricks to random chicks. It's a great ice breaker and you can only imagine all the "magic in bed" conversations that can come out of it. The best one is called the "french drop", its really easy to do. Your a great entertainer and if you learned a few of those it might compliment your act pretty well. The floor is so fucking boring today man. No one is doing shit. But i can't say it sucks to get paid $11 an hour to write e-mails and surf the net. Hope all is well; keep writing the stories so I don't get bored here. Hope to hear back from you soon.
Posted by Tucker Max at 10:12 PM